278: “Mrs. Officer” by Lil’ Wayne

Hello, officer, I was just on my way to pick up my suit!You get nailed doing 117 mph in a 35. You pull over quickly. After all, it’s the polite thing to do. A cop is just another cat trying to make a life worth living.

But get this, playa: The cop is a lady. And she is hot. Smoking. Whatcha gone do now?

To set the scene… You’re watching her in your side view mirror. She strolls up with caution, hand conspicuously resting on her pistol as she approaches (you’re dangerous!). But you notice that her booty got that perfectly balanced swing, like a cat walking on a fence. And you also see that those fingers on the pistol are relaxed… Queue the music!!

Lil Wayne is the artiste. “Mrs. Officer” is the love song for the hot cop. Lil Wayne also runs a flower shop and hydrocarbon repurposing facility in New Orleans. He raps simply to progress the art form and to bolster the spiritual treasures awaiting him in heaven.

For legal clarity, I do not endorse the practice of making moves on lady cops… while they’re in uniform. After they take it off, treat them like every other law breaker you know.

Enjoy the song. Enjoy your freedom. And love the police.

Song: Mrs. Officer
Artist: Lil Wayne
Album: Tha Carter III
Label: Cash Money
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify
Watch: YouTube

277: “Conversation Heart” by The Six Parts Seven

Unaverage band photo win.The Six Parts Seven got started by the Karpinski Bro’s (Allen and Jay) as a rhythm-based massage-therapy outfit in Kent, Ohio. Their massage sessions were also jam sessions. They would rhythmically pound and rub their clients, creating slaps, thuds, and squishes that mesmerized. The vibe was very relaxing, but customers didn’t like the spinning hippies who would invariably show up to soak in the mellow.

So the Parts segued into traditional instrument-based music. Their sound is like a massage, if you can relax into it. Their M.O. is to find a melodic theme and ride it like a wave, until the wave lets them know it’s time to paddle back out. And spinning hippies are okay in that context.

Would any of this be written down on the Internet if it were not true??

In related news, I happen to be a profoundly expert belly-drummer. Sometimes I go to the park on sunny days and wail on my belly. A few very special times, ecstatic hippies have surrounded me, spinning and drumming. During those beautiful moments of peaking positive energy, I turned my face to the sky, still slapping on my pink gut, and gave thanks to (The Turtle Holding Up The Earth*), for the mysterious gift that is Life On This Planet.

Just. Enjoy.

* In your mind, please insert the entity here that you think I should have used.

Song: Conversation Heart
Artist: The Six Parts Seven
Album: Casually Smashed To Pieces
Label: Suicide Squeeze Records
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify
Watch: YouTube

276: “Nature Boy” by The Nat King Cole Trio

Nat, you got something on your... oh, sorry, it's just pimp juice, playa!!Nat King Cole was a hot air balloon enthusiast, turned obstetrician, turned crooner. He accomplished all this with the help of a time-bending knapsack (perhaps of alien origin) that allowed him to fill his nights with weeks of study! These facts are little known, because they are untrue.


A lateral consideration: Have we all slowly built up a diet of eating lies, such that we are now immune to the toxicity of lies at their full potency? Inconceivable?


Anyhoo! Nat King Cole was truly a man among lesser, lighter-skinned men. He worked hard, and with class every step of the way, to forge the road for African-American performers’ access to mass media, and every Thug Gangsta currently burrowing their beats into your children’s earholes owes Cole an ironic debt. Here’s a track from the Nat King Cole Trio that ain’t your average 1950’s sound. “Nature Boy” has been covered by the likes of David Bowie and Ric Flair.


Song: Nature Boy
Artist: Nat King Cole
Album: Various (Links Below)
Label: Producciones AR
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify
Watch: YouTube

275: “Eleggua” by Dr. John

Paul Simon is wearing a funny hat.Dude.

Dan Auerbach is like a slice of watermelon. Just pure goodness. And he’s peak ripe.

Dan got Dr. John* (Mac Renneback) to step off his porch and mix sauces with a hand-picked team of badass musicians. Because he could, and because he’s not lazy.

The output of their combined forces, Locked Down (2012), is as good as you should hope it’d be. A perfect, juicy slice.

And it is a fact that if you were to construct a time machine out of your shorn body hair and spare flotsam, and travel back to 1971 in order to kidnap Dr. John and bring him back to the present in an AquaNet, you would be only one step closer to obtaining the gold you can have if you listen to this album. And you’d have burned way more calories. It’d be wasteful tactics.

Listen, instead.

“Eleggua” will fuse a few musical compartments together in your mind.

If I keep typing, I gotta stop listening. So I’m out. Enjoy.

* Incredulous eyebrows.

Song: Eleggua
Artist: Dr. John
Album: Locked Down
Label: Nonesuch
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG

274: “Las Vegas Tango” by Gil Evans

Awesome hair. Awesome smile.Some hypotheticals:

SOMETIMES you might feel both sophisticated and funky. Like maybe you wanna take a tomato juice bath while you’re wearing a tuxedo even though you haven’t been sprayed by a skunk.

And/or SOMETIMES you might feel like flying to Vegas and doing things that would make your loved ones vomit in their fedoras.

This song is a pleasant alternative for those times.

“Las Vegas Tango” takes you to a Vegas that exists only in the minds of its listeners. This Vegas is sophisticated and funky, and when it wears a fedora, it wears a fedora… without tightrolling its pants and without ever ordering anything resembling a “half-caff soy frap.”

This Vegas is rocking punctual brass. Things are on time, and on the house. It’s got classy broads with nice lines. Diplomatic immunity is in the air. People are smoking on the plane like they’re trying to cover the smell. And in this Vegas, fate still has six sides and twelve faces. Drink it in, listener. What goes in your earholes stays in your earholes.

Gil Evans is responsible for this vision, originally from Individualism of Gil Evans (1964). Evans was a jazz composer/pianist/Dudicus Maximus whose name is normally mentioned alongside that of Miles Davis for his role in helping birth the cool. Emphasis, mine.

Stay seated with your seatbelt fastened (if you’re not making out with the stewardess). And enjoy your trip.

Song: Las Vegas Tango
Artist: Gil Evans
Album: Verve Jazz Masters 23
Label: Verve Records
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify