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331: Isolated Vocals of David Lee Roth, Michael Jackson

Uncle Funk’s Most Commandments
or
The Worst Vice Is Advice

InvincibleUncle Funk is most real when his eyes are locked with those of another terrestrial carbon unit in an unspoken reverence for the awesomeness of the universe into which all units have been vomited.

Uncle Funk is most alive when he is lost in an activity that engages his full being, when he ceases to exist as a self-aware entity, and escapes to the form of a pure force maneuvering with geometric precision.

Uncle Funk is most certain when he is dancing.

Uncle Funk is most significant when he is helping others, creating a richer world by his presence.

Uncle Funk is most lightly tethered when he ponders what it means to be living inside a mystery, wrapped inside a create-your-own-adventure story.

Uncle Funk is most satisfied when he is eating his mom’s home cooking.

Uncle Funk is most fulfilled after he works at length on a complex problem requiring the disciplined and rigorous application of skills crafted over days or years to accomplish a predetermined goal.

Uncle Funk is most humbled when he considers his species’ climb out of the swamp, past cataclysms and alternate histories, to shiver and cower in the brush, before swinging through the forest, to walk boldly upright, and finally, to march forward as the self he is today, a clump of sentient cells, an infinite sum in a lilliputian package, contemplating its own snapshot journey along the edge of the universe that nursed it.

~

Michael Jackson and David Lee Roth are all over space right now. Their voices are literally being carried, as you read and comprehend these words, on radio waves spanning and spreading across billions and billions of light years, planting the musical seeds of humanity across space and time.

Here are isolated vocals from Van Halen’s “Running With The Devil” and Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough.”

Enjoy them the most.

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328: “The Rich (And The Poor)” by Keith Jarrett

Can you smell it?

from arttattler.com

What can YOU do with your body? Yeah, maybe you can jump. Maybe you can dance. Maybe you can do everything it takes to live a transcendental life in a material world.

But can you sneeze just by thinking about it? Probably not. You most likely have to tickle your nose or pluck a nose hair to elicit a sneeze from your body machine.

In a sneeze event, your body takes control and makes some serious, multiple-horsepower adjustments to your run-of-the-mill exhalation. It’s your body’s involuntary, evolutionary, survival reflexes that make your superhuman sneeze an everyday event… caused by a simple, tickling trigger. Which begs the questions:

What else could you achieve with this body you wear,
if you knew how to tickle out other “sneeze events” from it?

Could you lift a car?

Could you leap higher than holy globbit?

Could you make the world around you a better place with your attitude, your effort, and your smile?

Could you do what you couldn’t do before, because you didn’t have the strength?

I think you could. And I think we can.

We need to tickle our metaphorical nose hairs, and pluck a few if we’re desperate! Because there is secret power inside us all, inside our body machines and inside our mind machines. Our role model is as familiar as the noses on our faces and faster than a speeding locomotive, excluding the mag-lev ones.

What kind of sneezes are inside you, just waiting for the right tickle?

~~

Bullet: Here’s a classic Keith Jarrett track that I groove to while I center my Chi and eat Krystal burgers with mayonnaise fries. It’s called “The Rich (And The Poor)” and rigorous, independent lab tests concur this song encourages healthy digestion with clean, liberating movements.

Bullet: Here’s a list of the elements resulting in the eruptive exhalation called “Treasure Island (1974): Keith Jarrett played piano. Dewey Redman played tenor saxophone. Charlie Haden played bass. Paul Motian played drums & percussion. The surging plume is superhuman. Listen closely to hear Keith letting go of some woo’s during his piano solo between the 2 and 3 minute marks.

Bullet: Enjoy.

Song: The Rich (And The Poor)
Artist: Keith Jarrett
Album: Treasure Island
Label: GRP
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Rdio | Spotify | YouTube

322: “Your Lady, She’s Shady” by JJ Grey & Mofro

it's pointing left.I was 27 years old and poppin and lockin down the frozen desserts aisle of a central Florida grocery store when I first became self-aware. Up until that point I had been living in some type of sleep state. I can still remember my past like a dream, but it hardly seems like my own life.

I’ve retained all the knowledge and skills I acquired in my dream past, and my wife says I have changed very little from the person I was when I was not self-aware… that I was always a weirdo. But I know the difference.

The biggest change is that when I’m poppin, lockin, or whatever, it’s like I’m standing in between two parallel mirrors and the poppin, lockin, or whatever is outlined by a receding infinity that powerfully hints at the recursive iteration machine that keeps moving this self forward in endless destruction and rebirth.

In fact, maybe it wasn’t this me that was in that grocery store in the first place. Maybe it was someone else, until they popped and locked just right, at which point this self, the one who is now aware, was zapped into this body and took over its historical data. And might another self take over later, perhaps whilst I am buttering my chest? Would my wife even notice?

Regardless, I have found solace in a deep awareness of the beauty of music, which seems to enable recursive iteration for the power of good. JJ Grey & Mofro have been with “me” since before my awakening, and their sauce is worthy of standing in front of a mirror to watch yourself lick off a spoon. Their brand new one just dropped, This River (2013), and I’m amazed at these guys’ ability to bring it strong and consistent through the years. Like nothing’s changed but the spoon. They’re on tour now!

Enjoy the lead track, “Your Lady, She’s Shady,” as the righteous swamp rock excites your inner awareness and your booty muscles all at once. Pop and lock if you must.

Song: Your Lady, She’s Shady
Artist: JJ Grey & Mofro
Album: This River
Label: Alligator Records
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Rdio | Spotify
Watch: YouTube (Live, Exit/In, Nashville, 4/13/13)

321: “The Riviera Affair” by The Bongolian

Nasser puts his face near you.The Bongolian is Nasser Bouzida, and his funk emanates from the UK. As way of introduction for his song “The Riviera Affair” from Bongos For Beatniks (2011), here is an imaginary interview with The Bongolian’s theoretical dog. This is, of course, a translation of a conversation had completely with our eyebrows:

Me: Dog, do you get tired of listening to bongos all the time?

Dog: One would surmise.

Me: Well stated. Right on. What kind of bath schedule are you on? Your fur looks great.

Dog: Are you trying to say something? Your eyebrow is terrible.

Me: I’m surprised! … Did you get that, at least?

Dog: Yes. Let’s stop there. I’m looking away.

The Bongolian is also a key component of Big Boss Man, a funk band that is donkey-strong, and can be found elsewheres on this site.

I am both proud, and vigorously grooving to be the one bringing this song to you. Now go on, getcha some, and enjoy.

Song: The Riviera Affair
Artist: The Bongolian
Album: Bongos For Beatniks
Label: BLOW UP RECORDS
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify | YouTube

318: “Rust Belt” by Charlie Hunter and Scott Amendola

Just the tip, Scott.Practice makes unconscious memory. Not perfection, but astounding results can certainly come with enough practice.

Charlie Hunter perfectly displays virtuosic talent, arrived at through copious amounts of brain conditioning (practice). Charlie’s most recent album, composed of duos with drummer Scott Amendola, showcases his ability to play bass and lead guitar simultaneously about as well as you could expect two separate professional musician brains to accomplish. The album is called Not Getting Behind Is The New Getting Ahead (2012). The Wizard uses a custom-built 8-string guitar, and the entire album was recorded with Charlie and Scott sitting in a room together, sans headphones. Check out “Rust Belt” to see what I mean about astounding results.

Other examples of the results of diligent practice include:

-Buddhist monks’ ability to regulate their body temperature with great control
-breathing Parkourists
-the ability to spin a pen around your fingers
-finding the slowest line at the grocery store
-getting your cat to poop in the toilet
-butter without crumbs on it
-men looking ladies in the eyes while talking to them

Remember to practice patience, love, and keeping the damn crumbs out of the butter. Enjoy.

Song: Rust Belt
Artist: Charlie Hunter and Scott Amendola
Album: Not Getting Behind Is The New Getting Ahead
Label: Charlie Hunter Music
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: Rdio | Spotify | YouTube

316: “Back To My Old Tricks” by Diesler (featuring Linda Bloemhard)

What I see over there is profoundly profound.Some people sneeze like a kitten. Some people sneeze like an ambush. Some people sneeze like a teapot. Some people sneeze like a string of firecrackers. Some people sneeze like a pile of sandbags on a grenade.

I sneeze like I am trying to pressure wash strangers. I am kidding unless you’re afraid of germs, in which case, not only am I serious, I am looking for you in malls and public spaces. And you should also know that your body contains 10 times more bacterial cells than human cells, you are so rife with them!*

Also, toilets sneeze booty germs into the air every time you flush, yet we all seem to avoid massive infection and make do. Pun intended (and a fist bump, right?!?).

I am, as they say, just sayin’.

Of course, there is no substitute for good hygiene, but for all you germ freaks out there, I want you to know that eating road kill most certainly is a viable alternative lifestyle, just like being a hippie or a hand model. It ain’t right you judge me.

~

Let’s see, where was I?… Oh yeah, music so funky it’d make you wipe your hands across unsanitized surfaces! Because this cat, Diesler, gots some contagious and funky tendencies. So without further ado, I present a song sopping with organic ooze, “Back To My Old Tricks” from Tie Breakers (2010).

Enjoy.

*Dr. Carolyn Bohach, University of Idaho microbiologist – ScientificAmerican.com

Song: Back To My Old Tricks
Artist: Diesler
Album: Tie Breakers
Label: Unique Records
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Rdio | Spotify

311: “Ain’t He Heavy, He’s My Brother” by Wagon Christ

Aerodynamo.How to (totally) meditate:

Find a quiet spot without any obvious distractions, free of precariously positioned buckets of water, and for the love of chakra, no bubblewrap.

Clear your mind. Focus on your breathing and picture a single image in your mind, like the flame of a candle but not the itch on your nose, or the fact that little bugs live in your eyelashes. Block that out.

No, you can’t force your mind to clarity. You must let serenity happen to you. It is okay for other thoughts to come up. Be aware of those thoughts and then let them pass. Feel yourself letting thoughts into your awareness and out of your awareness. Yes, it’s easy to get caught up in an infinity loop with the whole thinking about what you’re thinking about thing. But let that pass, too. Then let letting things pass pass, and so on, thereby creating an infinity loop of letting go to cancel out the infinity loop of awareness.

Be super careful not to mess it up at this point. If you were to think about whether you paid your light bill or a random stupid thing you said a week ago to somebody, you would totally lose the enlightenment value of the whole shebang and you might as well go eat an animal as sit here and waste time.

Anyway, when you’re floating on the current of being in a bubble of serene oneness with creation, picture something really important to you like your favorite finger food, or the spot where you like to sit on the couch. You know, the stuff that matters. It’ll feel like banging an emotional prayer gong in the middle of your soul.

Yet you’re still at peace and clear-minded and all at this point, and when you’re really like “whoa” on a level you’ve never been so like “whoa” before, then you know you just totally meditated.

You could also spend some minutes of your transit down the current of being listening to “Ain’t He Heavy, He’s My Brother” by Wagon Christ, theistic alias for Luke Vibert, a British artist/producer who gots chops like farmers.

Enjoy.

Song: Aint He Heavy, He’s My Brother
Artist: Wagon Christ
Album: Toomorrow
Label: Ninja Tune
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify
Watch: YouTube