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345: “I Was Made To Love Her” (Stevie Wonder) by Meklit, Quinn Deveaux

stevie2

Time is long but life is short.
-Stevie Wonder

 

Song: I Was Made To Love Her
Artist: Meklit & Quinn Deveaux
Album: Meklit & Quinn
Label: Porto Franco Records

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341: High Five from Uncle Funk

S4_E21_High_Five!Uncle Funk made a YouTube playlist for you to slap a big high five with.

Click these words, friend. (Sorry for the ads, but they need not enslave your mind.)

1) “Sweet Salvation” by The Stepkids

2) “Peace” by Radio Citizen (N E W – R E L E A S E!)

3) “Triple Helix” by Jimi Tenor, KABU KABU

4) “Back Pocket” by Vulfpeck (N E W – R E L E A S E!)

5) “Too Fine” by Bosley

Savor & repeat.

332: “Guerreiro” by Curumin

The answer is right behind your right ear.I met a Scientologist recently who changed my mind about Scientology. You see, I was guilty of judging Scientology by the fact that it was created by a sci-fi author and more than seven hundred other reasons based on sound logic and elementary discernment.

But then a Scientologist named Keviin from North Hollywood gave me the gift of perspective.

From the moment Keviin and I first met, our connection was strong. We went directly into a man-hug right at the start of the handshake. I laughed naturally several times during pleasantries before noting that Keviin smelled like honeysuckle. When I commented on the aroma, Keviin showed me the honeysuckle gland all Scientologists manifest behind their ears as part of their development. The gland was invisible, but the smell was undeniable!

Color me intrigued, Keviin!!

Keviin further bolstered the legitimacy of a religion that markets expensive services to egocentric millionaires when he literally levitated.

Background on the levitation: Captain T. Cruise was having an horrific bowel movement right at that moment, which was communicated via a telepathic distress call for psychokinetic prostate massage. And when Keviin remotely massaged Tom Cruise’s prostate with his mind, his corporeal body hovered approximately 19 inches, or one TCU (Tom Cruise Unit, the height of one Tom Cruise), above the ground. The movement passed, and crisis was averted.

Keviin is now my life coach. We are actually on our way out the door, to hot grocery shop (like hot yoga, but with grocery shopping).

Before we go, I’d like to share a song with you that really complements the joy one derives from mocking another person’s core beliefs, like the ridiculous ones I had before I met Keviin.

Here’s “Guerreiro” by Curumin (Luciano Nakata Albuquerque), a Brazilian artist who marches to the beat of his own crazy set of electrical impulses. “Guerreiro” means “warrior” in Portuguese as long as someone speaking Portuguese is saying so.

Do remember, while it’s happening, to enjoy it.

Song: Guerreiro
Artist: Curumin
Album: Achados e Perdidos
Label: Quannum Projects
Listen: YouTube

331: Isolated Vocals of David Lee Roth, Michael Jackson

Uncle Funk’s Most Commandments
or
The Worst Vice Is Advice

InvincibleUncle Funk is most real when his eyes are locked with those of another terrestrial carbon unit in an unspoken reverence for the awesomeness of the universe into which all units have been vomited.

Uncle Funk is most alive when he is lost in an activity that engages his full being, when he ceases to exist as a self-aware entity, and escapes to the form of a pure force maneuvering with geometric precision.

Uncle Funk is most certain when he is dancing.

Uncle Funk is most significant when he is helping others, creating a richer world by his presence.

Uncle Funk is most lightly tethered when he ponders what it means to be living inside a mystery, wrapped inside a create-your-own-adventure story.

Uncle Funk is most satisfied when he is eating his mom’s home cooking.

Uncle Funk is most fulfilled after he works at length on a complex problem requiring the disciplined and rigorous application of skills crafted over days or years to accomplish a predetermined goal.

Uncle Funk is most humbled when he considers his species’ climb out of the swamp, past cataclysms and alternate histories, to shiver and cower in the brush, before swinging through the forest, to walk boldly upright, and finally, to march forward as the self he is today, a clump of sentient cells, an infinite sum in a lilliputian package, contemplating its own snapshot journey along the edge of the universe that nursed it.

~

Michael Jackson and David Lee Roth are all over space right now. Their voices are literally being carried, as you read and comprehend these words, on radio waves spanning and spreading across billions and billions of light years, planting the musical seeds of humanity across space and time.

Here are isolated vocals from Van Halen’s “Running With The Devil” and Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough.”

Enjoy them the most.

330: Mashups…

Pass the wizards, please.Salt and pepper shakers have been used since the dawn of space-time as a never-ending opportunity to artistically re-create pairs of other, non-salt-and-pepper-related items (shoes, sensory organs, vegetables, tiny people, left-handedness, etc.).‬

‪Flowering plants have DNA many times more complex than human DNA, yet flowering plants do not make salt and pepper shaker pairs of anything. Which begs the question.‬

‪What?‬

‪Yes, that is true. Salt and pepper shakers have been created in the likenesses of saints, serial killers, saints, and Bonanza characters. Even those.‬

‪If your life was a poem, and that poem was inside your DNA, written in pairs like salt and pepper, then it would be of a tolerable length and not like Ulysses as a flowering plant’s DNA would be.‬

‪And the poem itself might very well speak of the river of DNA that we recursive creatures compose and ride upon, as we churn out our shakers, impersonating our makers.‬

‪I am right now, sculpting salt and pepper shakers of my favorite bands. Which got me in the mind of mash-ups. Turns out there are some buttes out there.‬

‪I’ve selected a couple you can put into at least two pairs of sensory organs, at least while they last on YouTube…

‪Enjoee.‬

‪Led Zeppelin vs The Beatles – Whole Lotta Helter Skelter (Soundhog)‬

~

‪Rock in Black – Queen vs. AC/DC feat. Robert Plant & Friends‬

Mashup by Go Home Productions

329: “One On One” by Hall & Oates

from shirt.woot.comEvery being with the ability to be bored also knows that the best way to be, while living,  is to be lost in the moment. That is, to be so absorbed in whatever you are doing that you lose sense of time, and become “one” with the moment. Note that you can’t analyze whether you’re actually in the moment while you’re in the moment, or that will pull you out of the moment, like someone shouting “purple cow!” in your face right as you start to sneeze.

Then there are those beings with the ability to be bored, the ability to understand that the best way to be, while living, is to be lost in the moment, and the critical thinking to seek to understand what else one might do with this pesky self-awareness business that usually just keeps getting in the way of the good times.

And then there are beings who use their conscious choices to lead to deeply meditative trance states, during which they get on the Internet and introduce totally slamming musical selections with vaguely existential ramblings in an attempt to share a fleeting but meaningful connection with a few friends and family… mostly random strangers.

So, here is “One On One,” a classic hit from Hall & Oates that I took for granted as I played Moon Patrol while couples were roller skating to it in its heyday. Darryl Hall had some pipes I didn’t truly appreciate. If you listen, you’ll notice he shows off his falsetto/manvoice transitions like a damn peacock strutting his vocal chords and/or tail in this song. And Oates totes his mustache throughout the whole song, like an inverted peacock tail (to run with the theme), using his virulent keratin production as a clear sign of health and fertility to 80’s babes who might have needed porking.

Enjoi.

Song: One On One
Artist: Hall & Oates
Album: H2O
Label: RCA
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify | Rdio | YouTube

326: “Pretty Green” by White Denim

I received this fan music review today, written in cuneiform on plastic tablets, delivered emphatically in a padded envelope by a brown-clad bi-athlete, to my very own attention…

~~

Hot boxcar ass.Dearest Uncle Funk,

I have been a GINORMOUS fan of yours since I first started reading your blog in 1080 BCE. No one knows more about you! You haven’t posted much stuff lately. I thought maybe you needed a nudge, so here’s a quick note about how much I appreciate you!

Anyhoo, I just find the most amazing things in myself when I imagine the world through your eyes! I step outside of my own humdrum vision of things and try to see my life from a CRAZY person’s point of view!! It’s so refreshing! (Winky smiley face)

And I wanted to let you know that since I’ve been reading your “work” and listening to the music you’ve selected for me to suffer through, a few important things have happened to me. I will summarize in a bulleted list, in no particular order of importance or alphabeticity:

  • Armpit hair is coming in strong. More than before. Not like a beard, though.
  • Two goats and one duck. Incidente armadillos.
  • Syrian conflict worsens.
  • Drum solo. Never ends. Finally ends.
  • Gnawed tip of pen off. Inkmouth.
  • Things keep on happening. No. Matter. What.
  • Bought White Denim‘s Corsicana Lemonade
  • PUKED RAINBOWS!!
  • Please enjoy “Pretty Green” below because it’s the single, but listen to “Come Back” because it’s in a bulleted list.

Did you write this, or did I?

-Secret Admirer

~~

Song: Pretty Green
Artist: White Denim
Album: Corsicana Lemonade
Label: Downtown Records
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify | YouTube