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308: “Simba” by Les Baxter

I always travel armed with a poodle.The fox looks up at the grapes, so tantalizing, yet just out of reach.

He circles, eyes locked on the voluptuous grapes. He can almost taste them.

He leaps. Snaps. No grapes. Circles. Repeats.

He circles again and again, never taking his eyes off the grapes. Until some other fox comes along and says “Hey doofus, know what I did today? I ate some gophers. Good stuff. You should maybe look into it. Meat. Foxes eat it. Ya dip.” And he smirks, the way that only a fox with gopher blood on its muzzle can smirk.

But the original fox that I mentioned was circling the grapes because he is a vegan and very enthusiastically so. Thus, he disregards the other wolf’s comments and replies, “If I were a human who killed foxes and sheathed myself in their skins, I wouldn’t even want to wear you if it was negative 70 degrees out! You suck! You stink of gopher guts. At least I have my dignity.” And he goes right back to circling the grapes and advancing his nutritional degradation.

That is the tale of the fox and the grapes.

The moral of this tale is “Simba” by Les Baxter. Fans of the Beta Band might recognize it from the samples. It was well-chosen as a sample-base. This song is exotica at its best. “Simba” has a half dozen different lives, packed into less than 3 minutes. The song starts in the jungle, travels through space, and ends in a spicy cantina where the ladies know how to gyrate. Captain James Tiberius Kirk belongs in this paragraph, with an Andorian martini and a phaser in-hand.

Enjoy.

Song: Simba
Artist: Les Baxter
Album: One Thousand Lights
Label: Broken Audio
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify
Watch: YouTube

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251: “I’m Sad The Goat Just Died Today” by The Frogs

Role Models Are For Idiots.Your mother did her best to make sure that you didn’t turn out like The Frogs.

She would be so disappointed if you even looked in the direction of this song.

Sorry, Mom… Enjoy.

Song: I’m Sad The Goat Just Died Today
Artist: The Frogs
Album: My Daughter The Broad
Label: THE FROGS
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG
Watch: YouTube

246: “Super Bon Bon” by Soul Coughing

Soul Coughing is as manly as a petite sirloin.A checklist outlining my manliest points:

  • I got hairy earholes. And the hair grows FAST.
  • I have a high level of comfort sharing my feelings despite social gender pressures.
  • I will fight you and/or your sister if you look at me wrong, or hurt my feelings.
  • Staggering, voluminous historical beer-to-piss conversion numbers.
  • Saggy naturals (“Moobsare manly if you wear them with confidence.).
  • I giggle anytime I read the last name “Boehner” in the news even though I know how it’s pronounced.
  • “That’s what she said.” jokes are my art form, like basketballs were Michael Jordan’s.

And the #1 manliest “bullet” on my list is:

Ladies, I hope you enjoy.

Song: Super Bon Bon
Artist: Soul Coughing
Album: Irresistible Bliss
Label: London Records
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes
Listen: MOG | Spotify
Watch: YouTube

69: “Amazing Grace” by Victor Wooten

There's no itch he can't scratch.It should be required listening to hear Victor Wooten perform this song.

For those who haven’t or who’d like to re-live it, here’s Victor Wooten covering a song co-written by Jesus and George Washington called “Amazing Grace.”

Enjoy.

Song: Amazing Grace
Artist: Victor Wooten
Album: Live Art (Bela Fleck & The Flecktones)
Label: Warner Bros.
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes

64: “Groove Holmes” by The Beastie Boys

FUNKY FRIDAY

Beastie Boys direct the shit out of some traffic.If you haven’t heard The Beastie Boys‘ INSTRUMENTAL album from 1996, The In Sound From Way Out!, then you just don’t know what these three Jews can do.

Along with keyboardist Mark Ramos Nishita (Money Mark), The Beasties created an ambitious sound that was TOTALLY different from what they had been doing before.

The Beastie Boys’ transformation is comparable to the change that The Beatles underwent.  Simply in this: both bands are brothers who followed the path wherever it led.  The great ones usually go unexpected places.

Enjoy.

Song: Groove Holmes
Artist: The Beastie Boys
Album: The In Sound From Way Out!
Label: Capitol
Buy from: Amazon | iTunes

40: “Where It’s At” by Beck (Lloyd Price Express Remix by John King)

L. Ron Hubbard dressed them psyonically from beyond the grave.This is a rocking remix of the 1996 Beck classic, “Where It’s At.”

I found out Beck is a scientologist a few years ago, and it’s tainted my experience of his music ever since.  Scientologists are as ridiculous as creationists and tiny dogs wearing clothes.

Before I found out about Beck’s relationship with The Church, I strongly admired his absurd style and sideways funk… as you can appreciate in the video below.  Beck’s a great entertainer, so I try to forgive him his irrationality while still appreciating it.  I have to remember that some of the best people the world has ever known have been completely irrational.  It takes all kinds, right?

So, for a few moments, drive out thoughts of shady, cult-like organizations, and enjoy.

Song: Where It’s At (Lloyd Price Express Remix by John King)
Artist: Beck
Album: Where It’s At
Label: Import (Generic)
Buy from: Amazon